Speechless confessions.

suffered blame is mine.
i've exhausted frustration's furry..
passed grief in my regret(s)..
crossed to despondency in my actions...
i let my heart dry up in the dessert i had deserted it in....
i dug my nails into the side of my face and tore the skin..clean off...
just so..
there would be someone else in the mirror
bleeding...
i've been ripping and cutting for so long...
it eventually became just another cut.


All of this i've done and more
these are my confessions...

i am intention's restriction
embedded suspicion
with this,
trust is earned..
and rarely returned
i am the moth to the flame
its light and warmth
my punishing refuge.

tonight is my last night
today my yesterday
tomorrow my ideal
open wounds to heal

i am tired
i've sedated
medicated
and
ignored it.

i locked the gate
that lead to a past trail
i couldn't stay on.

my time in the dark
started blind
fumbling for a light switch
that was never there.
i gave in
sat down
wept till i cried
tears that dried

"when all is said
and done and dead"
i won't remain
i've known and have done
my mistakes
were mine to make
mine to fall into and break
i will die young with what i had done.
i will die wrinkled in bed with what i had done.
without doubt i know i'll regret
shouldn't someone say...
pages weren't written by pens that lay beside them.

i am forced sensitivity
distrust in myself extends to others
love is.. as hate is
'consuming...
controlling..'

i stopped fighting

my love
affection?
protection
to be held?
never.
i'm one sided
i'll hold you tight..
and wont let you touch me...

i'll be the only one attending
my funeral,
i lay to rest
my own burial.

i don't know how to ask for it
i just turn away..whats offered
give up on those who've given up on themselves.