Drink up, i say
Dead eyed
thieving sigh,
see me slip,
please?
just come to cut my dry heart
i'll call out no more
i've given my last breath to it
Squeeze my heart to life?
a cold rage burns
theres no remorse
guilt drained
Theres no more,
i've followed it to you.

Today.
the clouds
gathered round,
blocking the sun's warmth
they took turns spitting
shame in my every step.

truth isn't palatable
this truth is too bitter a taste
to pass over the tongue
down the throat..impossible
men have gone mad...choked
it WOULD NOT pass the throat.
and they WOULD NOT spit it out
they suffocate...
they died with it behind their teeth.
while..i spat it out
IT.. my soul could not hold in..
so i stared as it lay on the floor
covered in both
the sweat and blood
of my efforts
i stared..
..somewhere in between
the panic
the grief of sadness
the shock's insanity
the anger's rage
the hysteria
i had stepped on it..
stomped on it,
picked it up
blew off the dust...
then threw it to the floor

...

See I've already waited too long
All of my hope is gone
Edge of reason?
somewhere inbetween the last trip and the flailing arms
The fear isn't what it was
I can only hear hysterical laughter...
the vacant darkness is warm now.
The hysterical laughter
my stomach hurts
I'm shaking..
All I can hear is the hysterical laughter
theres hot tears streaming down my face
hysterical laughter..
the hysterical laughter...its me
I think...im laughing at the absurdity of it all
maybe the laughter is for the final fall.
pressing my eyes shut
I can see your silhouette
against the sun.
hearing my own laugher
I can taste the bitter salt from the tears

chance is not something to be passed on
believe me...i know it now.
its too late to have faith
too old...of mind and soul
faith is what someone else would doubt
Doubt is what has you questioning
questions are what has you digging
digging is what has you so deep
depth is perception
perception is awareness
awareness is knowing
knowing is knowing you know little

dessert and ocean alike
you'll find yourself utterly alone.

~~~
this is crazy wise guy talk..but it was written on one of my late nights. I can be crazy on late nights..forgive the technical errors i.e spelling etc....it was late.
~~~

The silence was sweet
I drank from it
looking through life
with the eyes forfeit.
I called to you
screamed my being
but you kept walking.

. 

mute pretty birds
mostly spoken words,
break out the idealistic
living blind i am
shaded malicious intent
suffered blame, you're my ambition
crack open my chest and squeeze my heart to life,
breathe a part of you into my lungs
real as the purple couch that eats my pillow
behind closed doors you are a self proclaimed disease.

Choking on your water,
asphyxiated by your air
you are my own creation
minds growing greed for a need
lies to motivated sighs
I'll fall again. Alone
I'll crawl through the mud. Alone
I'll get up. Alone

it gets heavier,
harder to breathe as it expands,
lungs stretched to its limits,
my eyes grow wide,
mouth hanging...
mortified, my chest explodes,
every night it rips its self open
gaping hole bleeds me to sleep.
my attratction to the dark
pseudo warmth in its empty
i walk in it, fall through it. sleep in it,
wake up to it. i ingest it, breathe it in
and feel it flow through my veins
your screams wont be heard here,
you'll run frantically to touch another soul
but all that will embrace you is the dark
beneath you, above, to the sides..of you
theres nothing to stand, touch or lean on

This cold rage..
it boils under the skin...melting away the masks
I'll soon see the new and old..the hidden and the shown
locked in the absence,
the trees bleed as the clouds dry
'..forgive no one just yet '
forever in suffocation...
enough to choke on but not to kill me.


~
' i wish i could eat your cancer '